You may wonder the infamous question of why do I need a doula when I have a partner.
What do you think your partner’s role in the labour room is?
What do you think a doula’s role is in the labour room?
Well for starters I will tell you what my role as a doula is. I am a support person who is trained and qualified to work with you by studying continuously books, articles, upcoming workshops, trainings from multiple organizations.
- Your birth photographer* is not your doula – they are your birth photographer.
- Your Midwife is not your doula- they are your midwife.
- Your OBGYN is not your doula – they are your doctor.
- Your Nurse is not your doula – they are your nurse.
- Your Midwife’s Assistant is not your doula – they are your midwife assistant.
- Your Mom is not your doula – they are your mom.
- Your Dad is not your doula – they are your dad.
- Your Friend is not your doula – they are your friend.

This list goes on for whoever you may bring into the room. I assume you are understanding what I am getting at by now?
By all means these people will support you in their own way. As do I as your doula supports you and your birth.
Now if you have your partner in the room that is amazing!
Let me tell you a little story. My grandmother who I call Oma had it much different. (let us also remember this is the 60’s) she was in a different country than her home town. She barely spoke English, my Opa was not allowed in the room and he spoke better English than she did. She could have used someone there to support her in that moment.
Now of course it is a different day-an-age, but your partner is still not your doula. He is the person in the room who loves and knows you better than anyone else in the room.
But if you don’t believe me how about you look at some of these questions that might change your mind.
- How many births has your partner attended? (sub-question That wasn’t his family or close friends?)
- How many hours has your partner spent helping births where they hadn’t slept or ate much?
- How many times has your partner educated women before birth with comfort measures and other tips?
- Has your partner been able to go to births where he can jump in and come up with an idea to help?
- Has your partner spent hundreds to thousands of dollars on trainings, workshops and more information advancing his knowledge base?
- How many referrals does your partner have to give you when you might want a childbirth education class, or a chiropractor?
- How many coping mechanisms or comfort measures techniques do they know to provide physical support?
- Does your partner have amazing factual knowledge to explain the process of induction or a cesarean section?
- Does he have information and the history of the Rebozo to provide you more information?
- Is your partner willing to be unattached to you at the birth to provide unbiased support?
In the end you must ask yourself, do you want your partner to be your birth doula who has to keep some space between you so they can provide unbiased support, or do you want them to be your partner and love and honor you as your partner?
It is totally fine if you don’t want a doula, YOU have that choice. But don’t tell people that your partner will be your doula. You have choices and we ask you to use your words with other people. So you don’t misinform them.